Dr. B’s Relationship Checkup: Step 1 of 6

topic: relationship advice
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In the last post I wrote about the importance of a Relationship Check-Up to prevent a Marriage Autopsy. Let’s get started with step one: Rev up your Strengths.

John folded his arms across his chest as he answered the therapist, “No, I didn’t know. I was in the dark about any problems until a short chubby guy with coke bottle glasses slapped me with the divorce papers. Who knew?”

His soon to be x-wife, Sarah, dabbed at her eyes with a squeezed to the death Kleenex as she shared with the members of the Thursday night United Methodist divorce adjustment group. “I tried to talk about our relationship problems but he tuned me out as if I were my 88 year old neighbor re-counting for the fiftieth time the story of her colonoscopy.”  

When women sense that something is wrong in a relationship, they feel compelled to talk about it in order to make it better. Some women, not you of course, hack and hammer at a potential problem until it is laid open with its core exposed to disapproval and denigration.

Consequently, when men hear, “We need to talk about our relationship” they run as surely as one runs from an ax murderer. The result for women is that emotions begin to stack up and trigger the process of rumination and complaining:  

“You never listen.”

“How many times do I have to tell you?”

"Your communication stinks!"

For most men, denial is less risky than confrontation so they turn a deaf ear to their partner. But, men do have an instinct that can help smooth and simplify a checkup. It’s the instinct of preventive maintenance.

Men, try thinking of a relationship checkup as a part of normal preventive maintenance. A relationship, just like your car, runs better and lasts longer when potential problems are spotted early. In each, the timely repair of minor problems can prevent an engine failure.

Take this opportunity to do the six steps of Dr. B’s Relationship Checkup. Step One is easy to do but powerful in preventing later problems.

                                        

STEP 1: REV UP YOUR STRENGTHS

                       

1.   Begin on a positive note by identifying each other’s personal strengths.

2.   Next, identify the strengths each of you sees in the way you each relate to each other.

3.   Finally, talk about the ways in which each other shows caring in the relationship. Be sure to say what the other does that makes you feel cared for but also say what you do that you believe makes your partner feel cared for. For more information on caring click here.

Dr. B’s Relationship Checkup provides a structure that works and gets it done in a fun positive way. Start with step one and then check back for step two: Intimacy

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Questions?
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Link to my new book on Amazon:
Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B