Q and A with Dr. B: How do I meet the right guys?

   Q   I'm so happy with your new Q and A feature. I can relate to "Waiting for Someone Special" because I have the same problem… I just can't seem to meet the right guys. Where do you suggest I look for them?

                           Lost and Anxious To Be Found 

A    Common sense tells us that finding people with similar interests is the path to friendships and dates. Everyone knows this, but many admit to not having a clue as to how to begin. Here are your clues.

 You meet others with similar interests in a variety of likely and unlikely places: community classes, hobbies, travel, hobby or sports clubs, church, or working on a charity or political campaign, to name a few. You can go online to www.meetup.com and find or start groups in your area with interests matching your own. I recently checked and found a play group for small breed dogs whose owners are single. Another was a singles wine and dine group. Whether you are longing for the company of other single couch potatoes or wish to join singles who enjoy adventure fitness, go online.

Don't settle for a group where being single is the only common interest. You are more than a single. You are a single with interests. Be specific and see what you can find. Let me know how the meetup.com link works for you.
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Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com
Please put Q and A in the subject line.
To make a comment just click on comments.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

Q and A with Dr. B.: Dating when overweight

Topic: Too fat to date.
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Q     “When my friends try to fix me up with a date, I say I’m not interested. I think they're beginning to wonder about my orientation. The truth is that I’m about 40 pounds overweight and I’m afraid of rejection.”

                                                     Fat and not Dating

Q and A with Dr. B.:Romantic differences

Topic: When one is more romantic than the other.
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Q   “My partner is always saying sweet things to me, is quick to give a hug and is given to bringing home little surprises. Last Thursday it was my favorite flower, a daisy, and this morning he ran out to find my favorite doughnut-- a chocolate cake doughnut with chocolate icing and chopped nuts on top. Last week he even offered to take me shoe shopping. I feel like such a loser. I just don’t think about romance apart from sex. If we had to give romance a grade, he's an A and I’m a low C. I love him and it kills me to sometimes see the disappointed look in his eyes.”

Q and A with Dr. B.:Want unusual sex techniques

Topic: Need advanced sex experience.
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Q   “My wife and I both like sex and are always on the prowl for new techniques to enhance our lovemaking. Whatever we do we seem to need more stimulation to gain the sexual arousal we used to enjoy. The last thing we tried was hot wine enemas to enhance orgasm while having sex—enjoyable although a little messy and cumbersome.

We’re running out of ideas and would appreciate if you can refer us to a site that may have unusual sex techniques.”

                                                           …Never Enough Stimulation

Q and A with Dr. B.: On-line trolling.

Topic: Why isn’t on-line dating working for me?
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Q   “My cousin dabbles in on-line dating and hasn’t had great results. She’s 38 and uses her college graduation photo on Match.com. Now she’s trying ‘on-line trolling’ by posting various profiles designed to snag different types of men. So far she has country western gal, ambitious legal professional, jet-setter, and simple God-fearing woman. I have mixed feelings about this approach. What do you think?”
                                                                              … Trolling for Men

Q and Q with Dr. B.: Not enough sex.

Topic:  My wife doesn’t want sex.
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Q   “My wife is not much interested in sex. It started around age 50. She’s 56 now and it’s not getting any better. I’m not feeling very close to her and this worries me. Is it true that most women lose their sexual desire as they grow older?”
                                       …Not Feeling Close to Her

Q and A with Dr.B.: Can't say no.

Topic: On-line match making problem
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Q   “ I signed up for two on-line dating services and ran into a problem. I don’t know how to tell women I’m not interested. I want to be polite but I’m tired of getting chatted up by someone I know is not for me.”
                    …Problems with My On-line Dating

Q and A with Dr. B: Importance of traditions

Topic:Family traditions and ceremonies
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Q   "My family always opened presents on Christmas Eve; my husband's family waited for Christmas morning. We found and decorated the tree weeks before Christmas while, in his family, Santa brought the tree on Christmas Eve. I guess the reindeer decorated it.

This will be our second Christmas together and neither of us wants a replay of last year's arguments. Since last Christmas, we've even argued on the 'right way' to do birthdays. He didn't get a cake for my birthday but did take me to a lovely Chinese restaurant which made me miserable. I felt as though I lost part of myself. In my home, Mom made each child's favorite cake and meal for birthdays. I always had chocolate cake with chocolate icing and lasagna for my mine.

We each feel like the other wants us to give up something precious. Rather than the holidays bringing us closer, they are tearing us apart. I can't tell you how many times we each have said,' In my family we always…'"

Q and A with Dr. B.: Pornography for two

Topic: Benefits of erotica
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Q  When I caught my 65 year old husband watching porno on the internet, I was disgusted and made him leave the house. Now, I’m wondering if I did the right thing. I was shocked because I never knew him to use pornography. Our sex life has been good but the last 4 or 5 years it’s slowed down. When I saw what he was watching, I felt like he wanted me to look like those women. I didn’t even look like that when I was in my 20’s. Maybe he’s wanted something more all these years.

                                                            Why porno and why now?

Q and A with Dr. B.: Ready for an affair

Topic: Discreet affairs
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Q   “I’ve been married for three years and am thinking of having an affair. I love my wife but I’m still interested in other women. If I’m discreet and she never finds out then no one get hurt. Right? 

…Not Quite Ready to Take the Leap

Q and A with Dr. B.: Caring or controlling?

Topic: He's always telling me what to do.

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Q  One of my co-workers created a problem at work so I’ve been coming home and needing to talk about the stress

this is causing me. Last night my husband told me to just quit my job. When I said I wouldn’t, he said that if I didn’t want to solve the problem he didn’t care to hear about it anymore.”

                                           …Stuck with a Controlling Husband

Q and A with Dr. B.: Friends with benefits vs casual dating

Topic: Dating terminology
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Q  “I’m divorced after 18 years of marriage, been dating for about six months, and I’m not clear on some of the terminology. Most of the men I’ve dated said they were only interested in casual dating. Is this the same as friends with benefits? I’m not a prude but I would like to find a wonderful man who wants me and my children for a lifetime.”

                                                  …Ready to Try Again

Q & A with Dr. B.: Dating denial

Topic:  Can't find a decent date.

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Q  “I’ve been single for about five years. I think I’m an okay guy and fairly attractive. Everything in my life is going well except the dating which isn’t going so hot. Maybe I’m not a good dater or maybe I'm not around enough women to ask out.
                         …Waiting for Someone Special
A And, maybe you're in denial. If you are as successful as you say, why have you allowed the dating and relationship part of your life fall to neglect?  Do you believe that potential partners with chemistry and similar interests will fall at your feet without any effort on your part?

Your language sounds unsure and hesitant. If you were that tentative about planning your career, you'd be standing in line waiting for your next meal.  You may be surprised to find that soup kitchens are not on the top 10 list of places to find dates.

To find a quality relationship with a person who matches you, you must plan your dating life as you did your career. If you had to look for a job, you’d be organized, spend time reading job postings and talking to people who might be able to give you a lead. If your skills needed updating, you would do that; if you required more information, you would acquire it and whatever else was needed to assure a good position.

If you believe relationships to be at least, or perhaps more important than your career, why not spend the time and energy needed to intelligently research your options and increase your potential?

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Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Please put Q and A in the subject line.

To make a comment just click on comments.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Dr. B