Ten Signs You Are With a Narcissist

 Here’s a great article from eHarmony; however, I’m adding a #11 to the list. If you break off a relationship with a narcissist, you will suffer negative consequences. Why? To narcissists, others are an extension of themselves, not distinct and separate individuals. When you leave, it’s as though you amputated one of their limbs. Consequently, they will perform amazing feats of manipulation to keep you as part of their identity.

  

Ten Signs You Are With a Narcissist

By eHarmony Staff

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Are you falling in love with someone who is too in love with themselves to love you back? Here are 10 signs you’re with a narcissist:

CONTROL YOUR HALO: How to choose the right lover, friend, doctor and plumber

  In the last post, I explained how the Halo Effect occurs when a potential partner has one or two important traits you value. You become so excited to find these traits that you assume the presence of other characteristics.

“He has an impressive butt and a bedazzling smile so he must also have all the other characteristics I want in a partner.”
 
Today, let’s straighten your halo to reveal four errors resulting in poor relationship choices. Straighten out these halo twists and you’ll find the right people for you.

  

THE FOUR HALO TWISTS

  1. GOOD LOOKS OR A GREAT PERSONALITY?

Which are more important—physical characteristics or personality? I know you answered personality because you strive for political correctness, but before you own that answer, ask yourself another question: Do you assume personality traits from physical attributes?

I’m sure you’ve heard some of myths about body parts and intelligence:

“If he’s good looking, he’s intelligent; but if he’s outrageously good looking, he’s shallow and stupid.”

 

“Gals with mammoth mammaries are not as bright as their less endowed sisters.”

“Bald men are better lovers than their head-full-of-hair-brothers.”
“Red-heads have quick tempers.”

Most say they favor personality over good looks, but research shows that attractive men and women are more frequently asked for dates than others rated as not so attractive but having a good personality. How could this be when most preferred positive personality traits over looks?

Research on this topic is clear. Attractive people are rated as smarter, healthier, more desirable, and more sociable than less attractive people.

Even breast size suggests personality traits to some. Large breasted women are rated as unintelligent, medium sized as most attractive and are liked the best, and small sized are rated as bright and modest.

 

2. THE DEVIL EFFECT
The devil effect is the reverse of the halo where a past negative experience clouds your perception.

“My first husband had eyes that were too close together. He turned out to be a jerk so now I have a negative feeling toward everyone I meet with close-set eyes.”

“My mother had dirty blonde hair. She’s manipulative, so I tend to be suspicious of dark blonde women.”

 

3. PHANTOM SKILLS Let’s bend the halo to another perspective. Some attribute a certain skill set from a personality characteristic.

“His bedside manner is amazing so he must be the best doctor ever.”

“She’s the friendliest plumber I ever met, so she must be better than the no smile one I have now.”

“The kindergarten teacher is friendly to the parents so he must be an exceptional teacher.”

 

4. THE MYTH OF JUST LIKE ME

A final twist of the halo tells us that others with characteristics similar to our own must be good people. Related to this idea is the opposite attribution where we tend to be suspicious of traits we perceive as different from our own.

“She’s from a town close to my hometown in South Carolina so she must be trustworthy.”

“Because he went to the same college as me, he has to be ethical.”

“She’s from New York so she could never understand a Texan.”

TAKE A MOMENT to REMOVE YOUR ASSUMPTION FILTER

  In answering the question of Good Looks vs. Personality, think about whether you have linked physical attributes to personality. You may be setting yourself up for disappointment by assuming traits that may not be present.

 

 On the other hand, if you are rejecting others due to the Devil Effect, perhaps you are missing out.

 

 If you are assuming Phantom Skills based on personality, you may be surprised at the outcome of your surgery or your leaky sink.

 

 Remember those who have some Just Like Me characteristics do not automatically have the same values and interests as you do.

 

 Better to look at others without the assumption filter. You’ll see the real person, not someone you imagined. This is true in picking lovers, friends, plumbers and doctors.

__________________________

 

Related posts you might enjoy:

 Single Again? Maybe It's You

Dating Advice: Letting Go of Your Relationship Baggage

 Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

THE HALO EFFECT: Causes Millions to Choose the Wrong Partner

From the minute Logan set eyes on Tom, his football player butt and piano keys smile drew her to him. Earlier thoughts of preferring a man who was attractive but also was thoughtful, valued family and education flew from her memory like runaway pages from a broken printer.

  For you, what characteristics in a potential partner cause sparks to ignite and fan the feelings of attraction into a blaze that turns your self-awareness to ash? Although most of us have an idealized image of those special characteristics we desire in a partner, we many times fail to define the characteristics and give little thought to priorities.

 Research tells us that characteristics important to both men and women are attractive build, mind of his or her own, sense of humor, of the same religion, and simple rather than sophisticated. How many of these characteristics are on your list, but escape from memory when a vivid characteristic or two leaps to the forefront?

  We find more information when we break them down by sex:

 Men’s Concept of the Ideal Woman:

  Intelligent, good parent potential, can suffer in silence, even-tempered and calm, someone who needs you, athletic or active  

 Women’s Concept of the Ideal Man:

Ambitious, hard-working, intellectual, appreciates her independence, sensitive to her emotions, emotionally strong, likes art, music, books and is friendly and affectionate

  Who wouldn’t fall in love with someone who meets those criteria? Regrettably, these features are idealized and unrealistic. Most men want a gal who suffers in silence and needs him, while women want a man who appreciates her independence. How many independent women will agree to suffer in silence?


What to Expect from Your Halo


   How can intelligent men and women forego long held values for butts and smiles? Here’s how it works. When we see a few of the traits we crave, we call into operation The Halo Effect. In the “halo effect” we find a few traits from our ideal list and then pretend the rest are present.

If he has a tight ass and a great smile, he surely is warm, intellectual and sensitive to my emotions.

  If she needs me, she must be intelligent and also willing to suffer in silence.


 When we finally realize our error, we react with anger and disappointment as we watch another potential relationship circle the drain. We leave the relationship and search again.

 Three tips to help you in your next dating adventure:
  1. Have a clear idea of which traits are essential.
  2. Avoid the Halo Effect.
  3. Be open to new positive traits that are unique to that person.


In the next post let’s look at a related topic—Assuming Personality Traits from Physical Characteristics.   _________________________

Watch for my latest book to come out in May…fingers crossed. The Science of Finding Love That Lasts
I wrote it especially for singles who are ready to
finding a lasting relationship.
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

Three Steps to Intimacy

______________________________________________________         

Do Your Part

  Intimacy is the love link between two people, but it is also a good deal more. If you desire a passionate and loving long-term relationship, you must do your part in contributing to the artful balance required in achieving and maintaining an intimate relationship. Let’s look at the truth about intimacy and the three requirements you must meet to get it.

   

 Think Of Intimacy as a Three-Legged Stool

 

 Intimacy is defined as a non-defended and reciprocal interaction about significant emotional events. If this academic definition sits a little heavy on your brain, let’s pull up a stool and examine each leg to better understand the foundations of intimacy. When perched on your stool, you need three sturdy legs to keep you from falling. If you find yourself with one loose or missing leg, you have to spend time and energy keeping your balance.

 

 Relationships are the same. To prevent yourself from wobbling around and ultimately falling on your butt, you must acquire and keep in good repair, the following three legs:

        1. No Defense Required, names the first leg of your stool. In close family, friendships or romantic relationships, individuals can talk about anything without feeling defensive. No topic is out of bounds. No protection is needed. When defensive shields are lowered, positive energies flow between the two. Raised shields block the energies, stifling any hope of intimacy.

 2. Give and ­Take­, the second leg of your stool, represents a reciprocal or shared communication where each person is a full and willing participant. One person shares a personal experience or thought with emotional meaning; the other does the same. Many times the intimate communications reflect meaningful experiences shared by the two.

 

Give and Take easily navigates the two-way street of intimacy. If you are the only one sharing, you could be going the wrong way on a one-way street.

 

 

   3. Express Feelings, the third leg of the stool, refers to talking about emotional experiences and conversations. In short, this means sharing feelings. Communicating about feelings - not just reporting, requesting, social chit-chatting or problem-solving - is essential to achieving intimacy. When you can communicate without defensiveness, both give and take, and are willing to express your true feelings, you have tapped into your relationship potential.       _________________________

For more on relationships, link to my book: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

You'll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

Will Love and Great Sex Guarantee Intimacy?

topic: intimacy ___________________________ 


Can You Be Intimate Without Sex Or Love?

Although the words love, sex, and intimacy are often used interchangeably, confusion between the behaviors results in heartache and communication failure. You’ll see this confusion in the following three situations:


1. Having sex to find intimacy

Great sex can occur independently of love or intimacy, but if you are looking for a long-term relationship you’ll need more than sex. Individuals who engage in serial sex admit that they are seeking  a connection  they never find. The more sex they have the lonelier they feel.

2. Feeling love for another and believing it’s intimate

 No matter how strong your love, intimacy is lacking if the love is not returned. Intimacy must be mutual. Some interpret unrequited or one-way love as destiny and delude themselves about the other’s feelings.






3. Desiring intimacy without sex

  Intimacy without sex is what many desire in a friendship or at times in a romantic relationship.  Problems occur when the desire is not communicated to a partner who expects that sexual closeness will follow intimacy.


Intimacy describes the relationship of love, whether it be a close friendship or a romantic connection. Romantic love can navigate a one-way street, but the mutuality of intimacy occurs when love travels both ways.  

If  you have ever had  loving feelings toward family, friends, or past romantic partners, you have the  ability to improve your navigation of the two-way street of intimacy.  

In the next post let’s look at three key points to help you do your part in building an intimate relationship.

_________
For more on relationships, link to my book: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

You'll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Stop by anytime. Be sure to leave a comment and maybe  a suggestion.
Dr. B

Male Menopause

  Male Menopause or Grumpy Old Man?

 

 

 

 

 

Is your once happy and agreeable husband turning into a cantankerous and testy old man? When this happens to your guy—and it will happen—you’ll stay awake at night trying to decide if you should accept his irritability and complaining as a normal part of aging, bang him with the frying pan, or haul him to the doctor for treatment. Let’s look at a few facts to help you in your decision.

                                 Does Male Menopause Exist  

No matter what name you give it, age-related hormone changes in men do exist. Experts debate over what to call it but it is most often referred to as testosterone or androgen deficiency. I find men respond best to the term low hormone rather than deficiency. Men are open to the term low—low oil, low on gas—which implies that something can be done to correct the situation.

 

 Many lay people use the term male menopause because of its similarity to female menopause, but it is a quite different process for men, which is why the term has not gained medical acceptance. The condition, however, is definitely accepted by the medical community.

    Difference in Male and Female Menopause

 

 

For women, ovulation ends and hormones drop rapidly resulting in obvious symptoms for most. Men, however, experience a gradual drop in hormone that could take years to show symptoms. Testosterone tends to drop at about 1% a year after age 30 causing a man of 70 to expect as much as a 50% decline. Therefor a slowly increasing level of irritability and depression may not be as noticeable. Also, men do not have the fading menstrual cycle to alert them to a change. Hot flashes, a hallmark symptom in women, are not usual in men.

    

                                Symptoms

 

Look for symptoms that have slowly increased in frequency and intensity:

 

Psychological: irritability, depression, lack of confidence, poor concentration, poor memory

Physical: higher body fat, reduced muscle mass, decrease in bone density, decrease in body hair, swollen or tender breasts, low energy

 

Sleep disturbance: insomnia or sleeping too much. Note that a common sleep disturbance for a depressed individual is to fall asleep quickly, but awaken after a few hours. Also, sleep disturbance in older men may be difficult to assess due to prostate problems requiring frequent trip to the bathroom throughout the night.

Sexual changes: reduction in size of testicles, low desire, progressive erectile dysfunction. Note that men prefer to think of their erections as not being as firm as they once were rather than having erectile dysfunction. It’s the same as we women preferring to think about orgasms taking longer and being less intense rather than thinking we have orgasmic dysfunction.

 

 

Treatment

 

Symptoms require a medical checkup to see if low testosterone is the cause or if another condition such as low thyroid, diabetes, depression or medication side effects could be at play.

 

• Testosterone replacement, for many men, results in a lifting of depression and irritability, higher confidence, increased sexual desire and performance, and improvement in sleep. The benefits, however, decrease with advancing age. Testosterone replacement is controversial due to possibly increasing the risk of prostate cancer. Talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits.

• Sexuality treatment presents a wide range of options from pills to implants to help with erections.

 

• Depression and sleep problems can be treated with a nutritious diet and regular exercise. In some cases medication is an important part of the treatment.

• Low muscle mass and bone density are treated with weight bearing exercise and, for some, medication for osteoporosis.

    

Do not buy into the grumpy old man syndrome. Explain the effects of low hormone to your fella and encourage him to seek treatment for his symptoms. Go to the doctor with him and let him know that you are there for him just as he was, or will be, when you faced menopause.

 

In the old days, women’s medical needs associated with menopause were ignored and were even the fodder for jokes. As a young girl I remember my grandmother talking in a whisper about “the change.” Speak up about low male hormone and help him get the treatment he deserves.

 

You may also like to read:

  Male Menopause: Myth or Reality

Manopause: When middle-aged men go through menopause

 ________________________


For more on relationships, link to my book: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

You'll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B
 

I invite you to sign up for “follow by email.” It’s easy and I promise not to share your information...ever. 

You Can Heal from an Affair

          Q My husband had an affair with his secretary—I know, how clichéd can you get? I was furious at first-- I’m no Holly Petraeus-- but we talked it out, made some changes and we are improving our relationship. We know each other better as human beings and we are both upfront about our needs, likes and dislikes. I forgave him and put the incident in the past. But, there is one thing I can’t get out of my mind. How can I trust him to never cheat again? I’m ashamed to say I still check up on him. I haven’t found anything suspicious, but I can’t trust him. I don’t want my lack of trust to ruin what we’ve worked so hard to maintain. How can I believe him when he says he will never again cheat on me?

 

    A   Congratulations to both of you for working through the affair and coming out the other side stronger and still together. The “How can I trust him?” question faces everyone whose partner had an extramarital affair and is one of the main reasons for divorce. The other question pressing for an answer is “How can I commit to someone who has betrayed me?”  Let’s find answers to both questions:    

 

 

COMMITMENT

 

  Think about the commitment you had before the affair and the one you have now. Sexual fidelity is important to a relationship, but many couples marry with little thought of the meaning of commitment beyond infidelity or adultery. Before an affair, many find they are committed to jobs, mortgages, children, and the social institution of marriage to name a few-- all things outside of the couple. With all these commitments and responsibilities they can lose sight of each other and look elsewhere for attention, support and intimacy.  

 

 

   After an affair, couples who work it out discover a deeper and more personal sense of commitment than they had before. “Working it out” is a talking through process that results in re-committing to each other, to finding attention and support from each other rather than outside of the relationship. Sure, responsibilities still exist, but the couple does not look for support and comfort from responsibilities. They become like two peas in a pod, dedicated to each other’s personal growth and happiness, and no longer reluctant to speak up about their needs and wishes. Make sure you are dedicated and committed to each other and not just to the idea of marriage. For more on long-term commitments see  Chapter 10 of Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

 

TRUST

 How can you trust him?
You cannot. You can believe that he never again intends to stray, but you cannot trust that he will keep this commitment. Stop checking up on him. If he’s cheating, you’ll find out, no need to look. You do not have to trust your husband because you discovered an even more important trust…trust in yourself. In recovering from the affair, you learned a truth about yourself that some women can only wonder about. You found that you can trust yourself to handle whatever happens in your relationship. This deep trust in yourself is a security you can count on for the rest of your life. You will never have to wonder if you could heal from an affair. You know you can. If he cheats again, you may or may not stay with him, but you know in the deepest part off your inner self that you will cope, you will heal, and you will remain strong.

___________
 

I invite you to sign up to follow my blog by email. You’ll receive notification when a new blog is posted. Just put your email address in the space for “follow by email.” 

 ___________
For more on relationships, link to my book: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

You'll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

Why Women Pursue Powerful Men, Part 3 of 3

Adam and Eva

Social biology propels women to pursue powerful men, but most women, with an average need for power, stomp hard on the brake of common sense, avoiding fast lane affairs destined to personal pain and public humiliation.


  However, the biology of women with high need for power, like Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelley, trumps good judgment, as seen in the most recent scandal affecting the uppermost echelon of our military and the CIA.  




   Most women admit to a sexual attraction to men of power, like David Petraeus, but only the most powerful of women will dare to chase the challenge. Paula Broadwell, former mistress of General David Petraeus, and Jill Kelley, the “flirtatious” socialite who tried to position herself to broker a major arms deal, are our most recent examples of this feminine high risk pursuit. If it hadn’t been for one gal snitching about the other to the FBI, would they have have carried on as before, immune to scandal?  


        

  Are Powerful Women Really Immune to Scandal?

 

 

  While the biological power differential is present in romantic-sexual relationships, ill-timed attraction to an ill-chosen partner, for most of us, kick starts the frontal lobe of the brain where reason and fairness is housed. Powerful women pursuing even more powerful men do not believe they are putting spouses, children, and even national security at risk. What they do believe is that their power will protect their  secrets.

 

 

 

 

 

Power women, just like power men, live in a bubble of collusion where they are rarely challenged, have easy access, and have the confidence to believe they will never be caught. The world admires men like David Petraeus and Bill Clinton who flip off reason as they spread their sperm around. After a few remarks of, “How could he?” and some tongue clicking, we forgive their indiscretions and these men move on to yet another power position.    We are not so forgiving of the women. Powerful women are less relatable to women with less need for power, and also to men who have no sexual attraction to women with more power than they have.          

 

 

 

 

 

 

   What Will Happen to the Players?

 

 

 

    Generals Petraeus and Allen have been briefly banished to the porch, but soon will again run with the big dogs. Jill Kelley will lose her socialite position, being lucky to find a volunteer position at the local dog shelter, as close as she’ll ever get again to the power dogs. She will both bask and isolate in the notoriety. Broadwell, despite her credentials and good works, will neither bask nor recover her former prestige.

 We will kick Paula Broadwell to the curb of permanent shame and humiliation where she’ll find other women who dared to ignore the risks and have sexual affairs with powerful men. As a society, we will truly be evolved when we forgive the indiscretions of not only the men, but also the women.

I invite you to “follow by email” to be notified of new posts. You’ll find this email feature on the right-hand side near the top.   You may also like to read:

 

  Why Powerful Men Cheat Why Women Pursue Powerful Men, Part 1

 

 

Why Women Pursue Powerful Men, Part 2

 

 

Ready for an Affair?

__________________________
For more on relationships, link to my book: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

You'll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from you soon,
                                     Dr. B

Why Women Pursue Powerful Men, Part 2 of 3

 

 

The Unique Biology of Powerful Women

 

Paula Broadwell rebuked restraint and slipped between the sheets of one of the most powerful men in the country, risking public shame and injury, heaving heartache on multiple family members, and jeopardizing national security. With millions of miles of penis from which to choose, why did Broadwell pursue this particular four-star phallus?  

 

 Watching the drama of the Petraeus affair unfold causes us to examine our own power and the affair potential of both ourselves and our partners. This three part series answers: 


 How does the power aphrodisiac make women succumb to and even pursue men of power?

 Why are many willing to risk the shame of public exposure?

  Why would these women resort to email cat fights and squeal to the FBI to protect their positions?

 

  The Influence of Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelley

  A powerful woman in her own right, Paula Broadwell developed even more influence during her sexual affair with General David Petraeus. The world has noted how her unprecedented access to Petraeus is described by the title she gave her biography of the general —All In. Broadwell, a doctoral candidate, is not resting on wilted laurels. ABC News reports Broadwell recently starred as a submachine gun expert in a promotional video for a Swiss company trying to win U.S. military contracts.


   The other other woman in this scenario, Jill Kelley, exchanged thousands of “flirtatious” emails with General John Allen who is the current Commander-In-Chief in Afghanistan and is slated to become the Supreme Commander of NATO. Although the media first portrayed Kelley as a socialite housewife, we now see that her power maneuvering extended beyond party planning. Kelley allegedly positioned herself as someone who could broker a multibillion-dollar energy deal with South Korea and asked for an $80 million commission.



  Birds Peck, Cows Butt, and Women Rebuff 

On the average, men have a greater interest in power than women do. We each, both males and females, fall somewhere along a continuum from little power interest to great power interest. In this way we are like cows and bulls with a definite butting order or birds with a rigid pecking order. When we see how pecking and butting hierarchies mirror human behavior, we intuitively understand that it is not healthy to pick on someone more powerful.

 The higher the females of most animal groups rank in the power scale, the fewer their options for sex with a more dominant male.  Dominant cows and powerful women will butt away less dominant bulls and men respectively. A female’s biological imperative is to select the most powerful male available to her. This increases the availability of sexual partners for lower dominance women; however it greatly restricts possibilities for dominant women.


  This differs from men, whose biology directs them to mate with as many women as possible, providing these women are of less power. Men, just like males in other animal groups, will not hook up with women with more power than they have.


 Paula Broadwell and other powerful women with fewer options will go to great lengths to maintain their sex-power connections, including sabotaging what they perceive to be other women’s attempts to invade their territory. Broadwell’s biology directed her to pursue power, but unlike most women, her protective instincts and common sense did allow her to just say no.  



In the final post, Part 3, we’ll look at why powerful women believe they will never be caught and what happens when they are.

You may also like  to read:
WHY POWERFUL MEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO CHEAT
Why Women Pursue Powerful Men, Part 1 of 3

__________________________
For more on relationships, link to my book: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

You'll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

Why Women Pursue Powerful Men, Part 1 of 3

  topic: extramarital affairs __________________________________________  

We are voyeurs to power, tracking the Petraeus scandal, searching for vicarious reflections of ourselves. Power, the aphrodisiac attracting women to alpha men, is a universal phenomenon currently being played out by larger than life women, Paula Broadwell and Jill Kelley. We, bags of popped corn in hand, took front row seats to watch Kelley slash Broadwell’s sexual liaison with CIA director and four-star general David Petraeus, a power connection Broadwell was destined to pursue. Staying for the second act, we saw Kelly act out her own power issues by countless pages of “flirtatious” emails to and from General John Allen, the current Commander-In-Chief in Afghanistan and the nominee for the Supreme Commander of NATO. As the tragedy turns comedic, we watch and wonder:

 

 

How does aphrodisiac of power make women succumb to and even pursue men of power?

 

Why are many willing to risk the shame of public exposure? 

 

Why would these women resort to email cat fights and squeal to the FBI to protect their positions?


Answers to these questions are found deep in the DNA of our ancient biology. In this post we’ll look at how most of us juggle lust and reason to either keep from or submit to an extramarital affair.

The Reckless Sperm and the Cautious Egg

 

 

 

The feminine root of this story of sex, power, risk, and exposure is simple unbridled sexuality. Social biology tells us that sexual behavior is chiefly biological, assuring continuation of the species. Men increase their chances of reproducing their genetic material by spreading their millions of sperm around to as many women as possible. Women, with only one egg a month to pledge to their fertility, apply caution in sharing their egg. While men may accuse them of holding out, they are merely acting out their biological imperative of waiting for a powerful man to fight off the lions and help care the egg. In contemporary times the power element is ladies’ choice: physical, intellectual, social, financial, or political, but the biological goal is the same—capture or surrender to a man of power.

 

This biological imperative of wide sperm distribution provokes and pesters the peckers of average men, but most, protecting their spouse and children, restraint their urges to wander in the path of Johnny Appleseed as he spread his seed across the land. Why is it that many men didn’t get the memo to avoid roving rendezvous? For men, the higher their own perception of power, the more risks they will take.

 Women, however, are biologically predestined to exert caution in sharing their egg, as seen in statistics showing that fewer women than men have affairs. Most women follow this directive by pairing with a man more powerful than them for a primary relationship. While they find men with more power than their spouses sexually attractive, most take no risks in pursuing these men. If secure in her partner’s power being greater than her own, and if he is helping to raise the hypothetical egg, she is unlikely to wander.

 In Part 2 of Why Women Pursue Powerful Men we’ll look at how the unique biology of powerful woman compels them to ignore the millions of miles of available penis, risking public shame and humiliation to pursue a four-star phallus.

__________________________

For more on relationships, link to my book: Win at Love!: 5 Hidden Forces to Make It Happen

You'll find tons of good information to help you Win at Love.

Questions?
Send your questions to me at totallywinatlove@yahoo.com

Hope to hear from you soon,
Dr. B

 

WHY POWERFUL MEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO CHEAT

  Topic: extramarital affairs and powerful men _____________________________________



 
Four-star general and former head of the CIA, David Petraeus, is the latest casualty in the ranks of powerful men who love and lose. Why are these men thirty percent more likely to risk all for a little extra nooky? Do their brains work differently than the average man? Are they more likely to get away with it? Do they really loose or, like Bill Clinton, do they rebound stronger than ever?


  Research on power and sexuality shows us four major reasons why powerful men want more and also take more than the average guy. Petraeus and countless power men before him have what mere mortal men do not have—an overabundance of BAHL:         


 Brains are wired differently

  Powerful men are more likely to be addicted to adrenalin rushes and will take increasing risks in both their professional and personal lives to maintain their adrenalin high. Research show us that specific areas of the brain light up when people feel powerful. A lit up brain combined with a power mindset commands an uncommon carnal curiosity. However, at times, a cigar is just a cigar and not a sex toy.


 Ample availability

  Men of position and power tend to travel more frequently and for longer periods of time than most men. Lonely and looking, it takes no effort at all to pair with a woman willing to pass some passionate time together. Power, the absolute aphrodisiac for women, causes many to disregard risk of public disgrace as they fall at the feet or phallus of a powerful man.


 High confidence quotient

  Radiating high levels of confidence from their successes, these men feel invulnerable. Their inflated degree of confidence causes them to believe they will never get caught. On the rare occasion of exposure, their ample abilities and resources serve to conceal their affairs from public scrutiny. Arnold Schwarzenegger confidently covered up his in-house domestic-with- benefits for more than 14 years. It remains to be seen how long Petraeus has hidden his long-standing association with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. Only the FBI’s concern about her possible access to classified information brought the affair to the light of public opinion.


 Live in a bubble of collusion

  Powerful men, like Petraeus, are surrounded by operatives dedicated to protecting the power person. Their collusion stems from their belief in their leader and their willingness to look the other way. Others collude and conspire to retain the benefits of the rewards and protections afforded by the inner circle. Whatever the reason, these folks are willing to challenge neither the thinking nor the behavior of their superior, leading to an unrealistic self-view of the power person.



 Powerful men with their hot-wired brains and extreme self-confidence will always attract women who will take great risks to be with them. Due to the bubble of collusion they are rarely challenged or caught. David Petraeus will bounce back just like the powerful men before him. He committed no crime and has a great deal to offer the U.S. He will not be the Director of the CIA because of the possible security risks inherent in clandestine affairs, but mark my words; he’ll soon be in another power position.


 In the next blog let’s look at why women are attracted to powerful men. Thanks for stopping by. I’d love for you to share your thoughts before you leave.
   

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You may also like to read:

  The Infidelity of General Petraeus by Gina Putt

  Why Do Powerful Men Risk It All to Cheat? By Dr. Terri Orbuch

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